Atlanta History Center

From the Archives: Civil War Letter

Calhoun Ga June 26 1862

My Dear Johnny
    Yours of the 14th came to hand last Tuesday. I was extremely glad to hear from you and know that you were in such good health - I must confess that I am sorry you did not get that situation. I can not help feeling dissapointed. ‘tis very true you would be liable to contagious diseases + c. but the danger is not so apparent to the sight. And death in that way does not appear so terrible and then a man would have time for reflections + repentance if he had not already repented. And he is exposed to death in two ways in camps, from sickness and from the bullet - I knew very well if you abided by the decision of the company, that you would not go, for I was convinced that they would not give you up. And of course Harvey would rather have your company than not, as to that Dr. maybe ht wants to fish for the place himself - well if it is so I must submit - if Harvey is appointed Col. can he not make you quarter master or commissary? I do hope you will try to get one of these places will you not? Johnny do not think hard of me for trying to get you to leave your present situation. It is promoted by my desire for your safety - I am at present much distressed from what I can learn from the papers. The enemy are preparing to make descent on E. Tenn. Now Johnny I desire you to write often and let me know all that transpires - please do not neglect to write me if you receive orders to march, and if you do you must not fail to write for you know I can not keep up with you if you are moving about. Now please dear write often even if you do not receive my letters write any how. I am all the time anxious to hear from you
Oh! how lonesome and gloomy the house have been since you left, though I have had company all the time (and Jenny is quite lively) yet my heart has been sad. You say I must enjoy myself by cheerful + c how can I oh how can I laugh when I know not but at this moment my dear husband is on the battlefield. laughter + mirth are not more for me. I strive to be satisfied and resigned but I find it hard for my heart will rebel, will murmer at my fate - oh for more humility more resignation to the will of God. Well my dear husband how are you progressing in the devine life? Do you read, do you pray, do you meditate, do you look into your heart + examine its passions its appetites + c to see if they correspond with the will of God? If you are truly desirous of making your peace with God you will do all this + more you will abstain from every thing contrary to the devine law. You will strive to be humble patient and meek oh if you can only give me this assurance, that you are on your way from this world to a better, then if you do fall in battle I can feel better reconciled. For then I will know you are safe where no more wars can come. You will be safely housed in the realms of ever lasting bliss. This concerns me much. Sometimes I feel as if the Good Being has separated us to humble us. We have been negligent + careless in the discharge of our duties. in short we have not been christians. now he has separated us and you are threatened with death in order that we may feel his power + humble ourselves oh that it may have that effect, that we may bow meekly at a throne of grace and find that peace which the world can neither give nor take away. how much I desire to be a christian. how often I resolve I will do better, but I think my mind is more fully made up than ever to leave this world and worldly things + press foreward to the prize of the mark of our high calling which is Christ Jesus. Will you help me with your prayers. oh let us pray for each other - I am in earnest about this thing. what is life to us now without the love of God? we are beginning to feel that this world is nothing but trouble and sorrow. let us seek a better. when I think of the years we lived together, and of how little improvement we made in the devine life, but that we rather grew more cold + dead, how it grieves me, now we are separated perhaps to meet no more. and neither one has the satisfaction of knowing that the other is on the way to Heaven. my dear husband I hope you will write unreservedly to me in regard to everything which concerns you both spiritually + temporally let us converse freely on every thing. I want you to write me what opportunity you have to read + pray oh seek every opportunity to be alone with your maker I hope you will refrain from the use of vulgar language by words + c. true there may not appear to be any harm in them but remember they will lead to some thing else do not then have no companions of those who are profane + vulgar – and if all are such then have no companions at all no company is better than bad - I hope you use as little tobacco as possible try and quit it - I think it will injure you this summer——I have received one letter from Pa since you left. He was still suffering. I went down town yesterday to see if I could hear any thing of Mr Austin but he was in the country - this morning I sent word again - he came in yesterday but left again so I have not heard any thing of the likeness yet. I told Mr Harkins to see him for me I hope I will soon get it as I am anxious to have it to look at every day I think you will fine your necktie in your coat pocket. I think I put it there. I would have said some thing about your pants but I thought you had given out the idea of taking them on account of the difficulty of getting washing. I will try and send them to you also the sugar if I can find a way but we live so far from the depot - that many chances might pass + I would not know it - Mr Parrott will be down tomorrow I suppose I will get him to see if any one is going up he has been home twice since I came here this will be the third time.